How I’m Learning to Think for Myself at 44

I'm 44 years old, and I'm just realizing how heavily what I read, watch, and consume can influence the way I think and the decisions I make, even when I don't consciously realize it's happening.

You would think that by 44, you'd be completely aware and in charge of your life.

Apparently, you're still winging it.

At least I am.

I've always been a big fan of personal development, manifestation, spiritual stuff, and anything that makes me curious about how our minds work. And I wouldn't just say I like books and courses.

I hoard them.

Especially after I started building Harper & Hyra, I read more. I researched more. I watched God knows how many YouTube videos about business, personal development, manifestation, mindset, and whatever else I thought might have an answer for me.

Eventually, though, I got tired.

Not necessarily tired of learning.

I got tired of so many opinions.

Everybody Has an Opinion. So What Do I Actually Believe?

One person tells you one thing.

Another person is completely convinced of the opposite.

There's a book explaining why you should do this. There's a coach telling you why you should never do that. Then there's another YouTube video telling you the reason nothing is working is because you're missing this one other thing.

After consuming enough of it, I started going back to myself.

And I realized something embarrassingly simple:

I can think for myself.

I know. Revolutionary discovery at 44.

But I don't think I fully understood how much information I was allowing into my head and how much authority I was giving it.

Just because someone wrote a book doesn't mean I have to believe everything in it.

Just because someone calls themselves a coach doesn't mean every opinion they have needs to become mine.

Just because someone has an amazing YouTube video and sounds completely certain doesn't mean I have to reorganize my life around what they're saying.

I can listen.

I can think about it.

And then I can decide what I accept.

I Can Listen Without Automatically Believing

That's probably one of the biggest changes for me.

I haven't stopped researching. Obviously.

I still read. I still watch things. I still listen to other people's POVs, experiences, ideas, and opinions.

I think that's part of being smart and continuing to grow.

Why wouldn't I want to learn from somebody who has already done something I'm trying to do?

But I'm learning that listening to somebody and giving them authority over my thinking are two very different things.

I can hear an idea and think, That's interesting.

I can agree with part of it and disagree with another part.

I can try something and decide it isn't for me.

I can even hear two people say completely opposite things and not feel like I urgently need to figure out which one has discovered THE TRUTH.

I can think.

I can choose.

And strangely, realizing that has made me less anxious.

The Internet Doesn't Have to Give Me the Answer

I think part of my anxiety came from constantly looking outside myself for answers.

Research one more thing.

Watch one more video.

Find another expert.

Maybe there's another book.

Maybe somebody knows something I haven't learned yet.

And obviously, I'm probably never going to stop researching because that's just me.

But now I'm becoming more aware of what happens after I take the information in.

I don't have to surrender my own judgment to it.

I can ask:

Do I actually believe this?

Does this make sense to me?

Does this person's experience necessarily have to become my experience?

Is there something useful here that I want to keep?

And is there something I simply don't agree with?

I'm learning that I don't need the internet to make every decision for me.

Maybe Part of Maturity Is Letting Other People Think Differently

This has also changed the way I look at other people's opinions.

If I'm allowed to think for myself, then obviously everybody else is allowed to think for themselves too.

I don't need to convince everybody.

That's something I think I'm understanding more as I get older.

I can tell you what I believe.

I can explain why I think something.

I can share what's worked for me.

And you can still think something completely different.

That's okay.

Maybe maturity isn't finally figuring out the one correct way everybody should think.

Maybe part of maturity is becoming secure enough in your own thinking that somebody else's different opinion doesn't automatically threaten yours.

This Actually Helped Me Understand Harper & Hyra

It took me a while to understand how all of this connects to the real mission behind Harper & Hyra.

I've struggled sometimes to explain exactly what my jewelry brand is in one clean elevator pitch.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that Harper & Hyra is actually built around this same idea.

We honor the wearer's own decisions and intentions.

We're not telling you what to believe.

We're not telling you that a piece of jewelry has the power to make something happen.

We're not deciding what your intention should be.

You decide.

If you choose abundance, that's your decision.

If you choose serenity, that's your decision.

If a particular charm means strength to you, that's your meaning.

If it means something completely different because of your own life, your experiences, or the person who gave it to you, that's yours too.

The jewelry doesn't make you believe something.

It simply acts as a physical reminder of something you've already chosen for yourself.

And I think that's why it took me some time to understand what I was really trying to build.

Maybe I had to understand this for myself first.

I'm Still Learning How to Think for Myself

I'm not saying I've suddenly become immune to influence.

Obviously not.

I'm surrounded by information just like everybody else.

And I still love learning.

I still love books.

I still love hearing people's ideas.

I'm probably still going to hoard courses.

But I'm learning to put information back in its proper place.

Someone else's opinion can be information.

Someone else's experience can teach me something.

A book can give me an idea.

A coach can make me question something.

A YouTube video can send my brain in an entirely different direction.

But none of those things have to do my thinking for me.

I can listen.

I can learn.

And then I can come back to myself and decide what I actually believe.

Apparently, that's one of the things I'm learning at 44.

How to think for myself.